Playing small and calling it polite

FACTS: The cold water does not get warmer if you jump in late.

Humans being human

This is a short story about a highly qualified Merchandise Director who had a brief run in with imposter syndrome.

She interviewed. She did well. She got the offer.
But the comp didn’t meet her needs.

Instead of countering, she thanked me for my time, politely declined and didn’t offer a reason. If you know me, you know that wasn’t the end of the conversation.

The fear of asking

She called me back later, anxious. “I didn’t feel like I could ask for more,” she said.

It felt easier to walk away entirely than to endure the conversation of changing the offer terms. So I did my job. I helped her map out her best case scenario. The offer was adjusted, she accepted, she moved cities, and she’s still in that role today.

Imposter syndrome

Imposter syndrome doesn’t care about your title or your skill level. I’ve seen it hit people across all levels.

In small doses, it’s useful. If everyone assumed they were qualified for everything all the time, we’d be living in a dumpster fire.

But when it comes to job offers, we need to remember this:

If you’re being interviewed, or offered a job, someone thinks you’re qualified.

It’s natural, sometimes highly talented people think they are in over their heads. They see the chance the company is taking on giving them a big seat at the table as a stretch.. leading them to not fully lean in and embrace it.

It’s kind of like speaking up at the nail salon.

Asking your nail tech to go a little easier feels too difficult, we just quietly accept it. Didn’t need that finger anymore anyway. It’s hilarious actually.

This same emotional reflex shows up in salary negotiations, performance reviews, promotions, and job offers.

In my own way

I experience imposter syndrome sometimes too. I’m in the process of getting my Private Pilot License. I’ve logged the hours. I know emergency procedures. I can land in gnarly crosswinds.

And still, at 6,000 feet, I find myself thinking:

Who approved this?
Who did I convince that I can fly an airplane without supervision?

Even though multiple people have literally signed off on my ability to fly, I land sometimes half expecting someone to be waiting at my parking spot to take me to jail.

Yes, it’s a more dramatic life or death scenario. But in our own ways, we all feel under qualified sometimes. Even when we are in fact, qualified.

Discomfort feel sus

The high-skilled, high-achieving people who are used to having full control of their daily output and success are sometimes least immune to it.

When you’re used to leading teams, driving results, and knowing exactly how your day is going to go, being in the offer seat can feel like a loss of control.

Now you’re not driving.
You’re being evaluated.

And asking for what you want might feel like tipping the discomfort scale too far.
That feeling is real.

It reminds me of a quote from Tim Ferriss:

"A person's success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have."

I think what really fuels your ability to do hard things like speaking up, showing up, or putting yourself out there is the quiet, steady belief that your perspective matters. That you’re allowed to take up space. That your voice is worth hearing, even when your inner critic tries to convince you otherwise.

Imposter syndrome is strange like that: it shows up not because you’re unqualified, but because you actually respect the position you’re in. You just haven’t caught up to the fact that you belong there.

If you ask me, I’d tell you.. all it takes is a little delusion and a dash of audacity and you can literally do anything in this life. Everyone is making shit up as they go, most people worry and focus on their own life and are not paying that much attention to yours.

In Summary

Your ability to have hard conversations will level up your success in career & in life.
The answer is always no unless you ask.
Give yourself permission to be qualified.